help.
If you could have one wish, what would it be?
I would take back the four years of my life I spent chasing a guy who never wanted me. Sounds pathetic, yeah? It is. He did absolutely nothing for my self confidence. I blame other people for the things he did to me when in reality they’re not doing anything at all. He would come back, repeatedly. Want to work things out, and boy was he a good actor. He would say he’d change, he’d do everything he could, and he would - then become distant. He called me clingy, said I came on too strong. After analyzing and analyzing (and believe me, I’d be the first to blame myself for things not working out), I realized I wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary for a person who had feelings for someone else. He’d start distancing, not calling back. I wouldn’t talk to him for days. Then weeks. This happened almost every christmas and summer break, not to mention after the first couple months of meeting. It should have been over then, you say? Don’t knock it till you’ve been there. He was charming, soooo charming. Knew what to say, knew how to get me exactly where he wanted me, then drop me like i’m hot. this would seem to come out of nowhere - the dropping. this final time i’d had enough. there’s not one part of me that would want to be with him. i’m done with him, as a person. The effects this has had on me, however, have been long lasting. I’ve got somewhat of a good, new thing going on, but is it really good? Is it good that it’s causing me so much anxiety that I’m terrified he’s going to just stop calling or stop being interested at the drop of a hat? his actions/words clearly say the opposite, but how many times have i been there? I’m terrified.
Is it healthy for me to even be involved with someone when i can’t control my anxiety over the situation? On the other hand, I’ve been single for so long. How can I learn to trust myself and gain confidence without diving in, head first? Where do I draw the line of protecting myself and letting my guard down enough to let someone in? What does it mean to be clingy? Does it mean to call? Does it mean to IM first? Help. i’m a strong girl, i don’t like that this is controlling me.
